Crushing spree.......

This might seem slightly out of place given the fact that the past few days have been hard on me.

Whats been hard-
1) The college results were a sadist's delight with me making a 6 point someone, all because the lousy faculty at the wormhole thought better of overloooking the number of bunks i had enacted and gave me a straight DD in about every damn practical......

note: I don give a damn.....

2) The JEE results are out too and i have fared exceedingly bad. Though as a face-saver, i did manage a rank, a fuckin 7000+ shit, it practically leaves me stranded on a pretty precarious footing. Even given my hollow preparations, i had expected better to come off it.....

note: I'll be damned...

What is out of place-

Well, I havent ever been the most solicitous of guys with the opposite sex. This causes me to mumble gibberish, break into unseasonal sweat and act in an erratic manner whenever a chance arises for me to talk to a female of roughly my age.

The circumstances dictate me to understand the imminent and move on. In an effort to gather advice regardin the same, i ended up consulting the enormous wealth of experience that people have to share on the web. From some substantial quarters, the tune is that i need to open myself up a bit and be more conducive towards girls so that i dont end up, not knowing what i want from mine and script a recipe for a catastrophe.

Lol....feels surreal that even given my poor show on the academic front, I have actually fallen for 3 girls(um...be accomodating abt the age) in one day......

1) The info of the first girl is confidential but god knows.......at least the 'god of small things' does.........anyways...I was going through the profile of a friend of mine and saw a familiar name yell out. It was a girl about whom he had told me, last fall. Though then, i did feel warmly towards her in not-brotherly kinda way, i didnt give much air to the fire in which my mind was blazing then. Now, its a sense of Deja Vu as i went through her Blog, exactly at a time when i feel that the clock is ticking away to oblivion. She seems a very sweet girl with a good litrerary prowess for someone whos been in gujarat, all life and hasnt matured beyond 18 summers.
A good looking lass from the peninsular India.....watch out for this space.....some thing may yet materialise....

2) Okay. Statuory warning: Ill informed bozos, better keep off this.
Its Aung San Suu Kyi......she is a 40...no 50 something revolutionary leader from myanmar.The face of democracy in the background of a military disposition of her country, she has been under house arrest since nearly 2 decades.I was watchin ndtv and there was this report about nfair charges being pressed against her bang on the eve of history as the country goes to polls after ages, sumtime this year.Her radiant smile inspite of the oppressed existence she has led,her lovely face shrouded by wrinkles but exuding aura and her frail figure, a veteran of tortures that have been inflicted upon her, just stole my heart........
Such selflessness and yet such uncertainty about the future.I love her so..for all that she stands for and the fact that her beauty is a prologue to her effervescence,undying resolve and humility.

3)The ever so politically correct, and an epitome of the fact that u-dont-need-to-bathe-in-a-virgin's-blood-to-stay-young......I am indicating, Shobhaa De...Her articulate language, her ebullient confidence and her age defying outfits are real turn-ons for a mortal like me.
The disparity is stark. Her, an out going senior-citizen socialite and me, a no-gooder who hasnt yet shed the teens, but again the boundaries are a matter of perception.That she is a marathi is yet another credebtial of hers that goes down well with me because i have some unsolicited admiration for marathi women.Her articles and her works of literature are a real pleasure to read and reflect her intellectual accomplishments. lol....never mind her age.....

That was something............
neways.......no offence......i still have some residual space in my mind for an old tenant........but now that the writing is on the wall, i guess its time i coax the tenant out and get hold of myself.........


cheers...

signing off

Nuggets of Karla Saaranen's wisdom

The current woman in my life.....what if she is fictious...
and dear woman, if ever we meet in some other universe, i'll know its you....muaah.....
hope that this figment materialises......

neways......heres what she has to say, in her inmitable style......

1) Truth is a bully , we all pretend to like.
2)In love, your heart is like an overcrowded boat.You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, then your self respect, then your independence, only to realise that notihing will help......it'll take you in......
3)Fanatics have the look of people who never masturbate, but think of it all the time.
4)The real trick in the world is to want nothing and to succeed in gettin it.
5)Wisdom is cleverness, with all guts kicked out.
6)Dream is a place where wish and fear meet. If wish and fear are exactly the same, we call that dream, a nightmare.
7)If fate doesnt make you laugh, then you just dont get the joke.
8)Suffering is happiness, backwards......
9)Some of the worst, was caused by people who tried to change things for the better
10)Mistakes are like bad loves. The more you learn from them, the more you wish, they hadn't happened.
11)the best revenge is like the best sex, performed slowly and with eyes open.
12)Heroes come in 3 types- dead, damaged or dubious.....
13)Luck is what happens to you when fate gets tired of waiting.
14)Old habits die hard, Lie harder......

An inspiration for an insipid me......

The vaccuum of vacations, lumbering on for 3 months was, if only for a week,smothered by this amazing book a came accross......

It made such an engrossing read that the 930 odd pages felt like a breeze....no, a gale...that has demolished my conceptions of our country's greatest metropolis and its most thriving social organism, in such a way that the new light that illuminates my outlook regarding it has compelled me to respect it on previously alien lines.

Yes. I am talking about the international bestseller,the 'fictionised' autobiographical account of Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram.Such a nondescript name for a book by an australian seems incongruous at the start but by the time the book ends, u realize that there couldnt have been a better title.Not because the name shantaram is clinching to the plot but because even in the few pages that it graces, it summarises the authors message.

The early pages are a peep into the underbelly of mumbai and the interactions of the protagonist with the unseeming who were to become his best mates.Theres also a certain Karla Saaranen who with her mature, if cold bearing, striking good looks and a razor intellect detains my mind even now, hours after i have finished the book. My first fictious infatuation, if u call it.

The story weaves around how lindsay(protagonist) thrives in the most grungy of environs with a company like vermin and enjoys it every bit, thence making a connect with the throbbing heart of Mumbai.

Then follows a period when things start going wrong for him and the ebb of his life is threatened by forces that he has provoked quite unknowingly.....

The fighter that he is, comes out on the top, Has a great carreer under the tutelage of the most influential mafiosos in the city and becomes a gangster, a man of honour, albeit.

Struggles ensue, in work and love.He loses his best friends at the very time when his spirits hit an air pocket and plummet.

But he lives on......as a figher,as a survivor and as a.......lover......

he does....i do.....live on....

For the past few days....i've been lost in the thoughts of what will transpire and how i would react to the eventuality as and when it arises.
wikihow and yahoo answers have proved to be a versatile faculty of advice that i so seek in this attempt to take charge of the ongoings.
I try to be blatant and detachedly direct and brutal in my approach to sever the umblical cord with the past but perhaps the wine of my resolve isn't mature enough to intoxicate me, thereby numbing the ensuing pain.
And so, lacking grit, i succumb to the temptations that may one day prove to be my undoing.
Why do i make a complete fool of myself, blabbering 'somethings' that appear so unconsequential after the hour has passed.
I'll hae to devise a slow yet sure mechanism to assuage my innards, ravaged by the premonitions of the inevitable and make sure that when the moment arrives, i manage to enscone my feelings in a clammy shell to shield from the grief and pain, my present self may not be able to endure.
And all this, without a rustle so as to not raise an eye brow as i prepare to jump from the precipice of the expectations that never will materialise into the reassuring vaccuum of the life after crumble of the cookie......
hope i dont.....crumble with it......

Random thoughts

Loads of things lined up. And for some reason, i dont feel upto any of it. Going to Mumbai tomorrow and then on to kerala. The thought of visiting 'gods own country' should have had me jumping with glee but the proposition of leaving ahmedabad, suddenly seems dire.
But then i need to learn to take this inconvenience in my stride..........especially, since in the foresight, and in relative comparison, theres gonna be acres of bleak space that i will be forced to traverse if i dont wake up and take to the reality.........

Will be staying in Taj resorts, every place that we visit in kerala so i am looking forward to being treated to some of the best hospitality that our country has to offer......i have read enough jetwings to know what to expect......

Well, i'll be having my college results as soon as i come back from this sojourn.......
There are a few minor scares regarding the same that need to be resolved but i guess no ones too big a sadist, not even in the wormhole so i am hoping to be let off the hook, cheaply.....
And if it doesnt work out that way, good lord in the heavens, Help me...........

Exactly a week later, by human standards and eons, by mine, the JEE results will be out......the last nail on my coffin, or so i expect..........
and it, i hope will consign me, for the next three years at least, to the confines of the very wormhole , i so detest..........